"Yes, like the recording said, we are down. Yes, I realize you're a unique snowflake, but this means you too. I don't know the estimated time, but it shouldn't be more than a couple hours. We are working on it. It's a hardware issue. As I said, a couple hours. What? We've never been out for days. We've never been out for even twelve hours. 5pm? No, a couple hours at the most.... Sorry, I really don't know what happened. No, I don't know about other ISPs.. No! I don't know if Comcast is having issues. How would I know that? How are they even related to us? Uh... like I said earlier, I don't know the estimated time. Yes! More like a couple hours, like I said... Yes before 5 pm! Please... yes! No... Sir, I have to go. Yes... good bye. I'm getting off the phone now. Good bye Sir.... Goodbye!"

Please, if the message on the automated answering service says there is an outage, badgering customer support with a hundred useless questions will not shorten it. I really do not have the ability to summon magical internet pixies to make the online experience of any preferred member right again. We lowly techs are also suffering from net withdrawls. Have mercy.