I wish I could read books as fast as I buy them. Last Thursday I ordered Hyperspace. Over the weekend I purchased Mote in Gods Eye and another Heinlein story. On Monday I promised my Father I would read the Silmarillion. Meanwhile, patiently waiting for me at home is the Moon Maid, Lilith, Atlas Shrugged, Origins, the rest of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, some Sharon Shinn and much much more. I've barely cracked the Singularity is Near (purchased almost a month ago) and now the sirens at Amazon.com are taunting me with more popular science.

It could be mine. Just a click away...

Must... Close... The browser...

....

Why have I been given only one life to spend leafing through books? There is so much to read, so much to learn and so little time. Time! If I could just find a way to pause it... Just for a little while, that's all I want.

Imagine sitting at your computer and, in less than a second, searching the full text of every book ever written. Imagine an historian being able to instantly find every book that mentions the Battle of Algiers. Imagine a high school student in Bangladesh discovering an out-of-print author held only in a library in Ann Arbor. Imagine one giant electronic card catalog that makes all the world's books discoverable with just a few keystrokes by anyone, anywhere, anytime.

That's the point of Google Print.

Perhaps soon we will not need publishers anymore.

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Honestly, I didn't think it would be more than five bucks.
I'm strangely honored.

There is a whole dead forest in this office. Thousands, tens of thousands (maybe more) of white trees cast out into the world by a humming monolithic printer. In a great bureaucratic salmon run, they make the incredible journey from inbox to counter and desk where they are scrutinized, signed and stamped before laying to rest in the cabinets behind me. Once in a while, I might hear the ghostly sound of branches and rustling leaves, but it's only the receptionist opening envelopes and shuffling payments.

Paper. Everywhere.

There is something truly ironic about working for an Internet Service Provider and passing around all this documentation. We're still living in the last century. The dream of a paperless office is dead and not only here, but everywhere it seems. A friend told me last week that she is pulling out her 401k. She will have to wait three to six weeks to receive her money. Forms have to be filled, analyzed and processed before they are mailed out to Seattle or the East Coast. Once there, more forms will be filled, processed, mailed ect. In the digital age, the age of networks, instant messaging and email, I can download large quantities of various media in seconds. It's outrageous that the transfer of simple text must take so long.

Changes in business and government cannot come soon enough for me. Everything is outdated.

The day is fast approaching when cities more fantastic and sublime than we have ever seen shall be erected with molecular men and tiny cranes. While the rogue states that have long vexed our biological experience shall be snuffed out forever with the perfect bomb. Science waltzes on!

Here's a poser for you: you're trying to knock together a TV ad highlighting the effects of war on children. What's the plan?

Well, you could go down the traditional route of earnest voice-over accompanying footage of said kids miserably awaiting a better life or, on the other hand, you could arm up a squadron of attack aircraft and go and raze a Smurf village to the ground. Let's face it, it's a toughie.

"Yes, like the recording said, we are down. Yes, I realize you're a unique snowflake, but this means you too. I don't know the estimated time, but it shouldn't be more than a couple hours. We are working on it. It's a hardware issue. As I said, a couple hours. What? We've never been out for days. We've never been out for even twelve hours. 5pm? No, a couple hours at the most.... Sorry, I really don't know what happened. No, I don't know about other ISPs.. No! I don't know if Comcast is having issues. How would I know that? How are they even related to us? Uh... like I said earlier, I don't know the estimated time. Yes! More like a couple hours, like I said... Yes before 5 pm! Please... yes! No... Sir, I have to go. Yes... good bye. I'm getting off the phone now. Good bye Sir.... Goodbye!"

Please, if the message on the automated answering service says there is an outage, badgering customer support with a hundred useless questions will not shorten it. I really do not have the ability to summon magical internet pixies to make the online experience of any preferred member right again. We lowly techs are also suffering from net withdrawls. Have mercy.

You know those missing dolphins you mentioned last week?

I found you something even better.

Soon dolphins everywhere will be taking requests for fish.

Her email, titled RATTLESNAKE!

Yes, you heard me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RATTLE SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN MY BEDROOM!!!!!! I at first thought it was a foot long Bow snake because I didn't see any rattlers on the end of its tail. However when I got closer, it coiled, rattled its tail and took several strikes at me. So, I'd say, if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, looks close to 99% like a duck....... I'd still think it's a damn duck.

I was afraid to turn my back on it for fear of loosing him in my room, so I ended up covering him with a towel and throwing your father's boot at him. Matter of fact, I threw all of them plus anything else I could find. When I lifted the towel he was still alive but the middle of him was mangled up. I was then able to put him in a heavy clear bag and beat him some more until he was dead, dead, dead!!

She's so awesome, even though it was a bow snake after all.

I spent forty-one dollars at Barnes and Nobles Saturday, one out of the two books costing slightly over thirty. I cringed at the counter a little, knowing I could have found the same book for less at Amazon or Overstock.com and the other purchase, Stranger in a Strange Land, was no doubt available at any used bookstore for less than half the price. I bought them anyway. It's impossible for me to walk out of a bookstore empty handed. What can I say? It's as compulsory to me as breathing.

So, Stranger in a Strange Land. Wow. The book is so dynamic and absorbing, it consumed my entire Sunday. Before I knew it, noon became 5:00 pm which turned to 11 pm and at that point it seemed best to put the story aside and go to bed so I'd wake up well rested for work in the morning. At 12:30 am I stared glumly at my clock, thinking it would have been best to just read for another hour or two, since I couldn't sleep with my mind whirling the book's events and concepts and characters (most of whom I already love and always will) and being wistful for water brothers. My final thought before falling asleep was why the hell did it take me so long to discover Robert Heinlein? I have found a new philosopher.

Now I'm faced with a dilemma. Do I stay home tonight and finish the story? Or, not wishing to let down my new sci-fi buddy, see Serenity? I must grok on this some more.